You are what you intend to be

It does not matter what you do. It does not matter what you say. The ONLY thing that matters is your intention. 

We are perfectly imperfect humans. We are learning. Every difficult situation we come across is new for us. It would be cool to have the wisdom to know how to handle every tense situation with perfect ease, but that is never going to happen. 

What matters is the intention you bring to the difficult conversation or situation. There is an IMMENSE difference between coming in with poor intentions, and coming in with good intentions, but having emotions get in the way.

I will never forget one of the conversations I had at my first big girl job. There was a woman named Staci in the office who was rather catty, and she HATED the fact that I brought my Northface backpack as my work bag. She intentionally made me the outcast among our team of coworkers. 

After working in this environment for a few months, I decided to pull her aside. I will never forget our conversation. I said to her “I’m sorry that you don’t feel I respect you, that is not my intention.” she responded, “Your intention doesn’t mean anything, it matters how people interpret it.”

I was just a young rosebud on my healing path at this point, and I BELIEVED HER…..for a few days. She was like 5 years older than me, so I thought she knew a thing or two!! Something I have learned from growing up is that age does not automatically bring wisdom. 

I thought and thought about this. That CANNOT be true!! That would mean that whatever someone projects on you is who you are, which is just terribly inaccurate. 

What you are, WHO you are is your intentions. Emotions come along, and they cloud our ability to execute tough conversations with grace, but your emotions are not you. And you are not any less of a good person because you fell victim to your emotions. 

What matters is who you were in the calm space before you were met with triggers. You can’t define an athlete on her worst game, just like you cannot define a person on their worst conversation. Of course they didn’t intend for it to be bad, no one enjoys living with tension (I mean some people think they do, and use it for self protection, but that’s a blog post for another day).

When I look back at situations where I did get emotional, I give nothing but grace to myself. I know I wanted to do better, but I was doing the best I could at the moment. 

When practicing this, I think of myself as a child going through it.  I talk to myself in my head how I would a child. We forget that we are not professional tough-conversation-havers. These types of conversations are often new and unfamiliar to us. OF COURSE we’re not going to maintain perfect composure as we interact. AND THAT IS MORE THAN OKAY!

When intentions and words don’t line up, give a heartfelt apology. Allow some time to cool off so you can center back into your intention, and explain to the other person why your intentions and words didn’t line up. Share with the person what your intentions were. I think you will find you agree more than you think you do. 

All we are is our intentions. The other option would mean that we are another person’s projection of us which would insinuate that we have no control over who we are, and that is just simply untrue…..STACI!

I get a lot of my confidence from resting in my intentions. It doesn’t matter if I mess up, it literally doesn’t matter how it’s perceived. If you give me time to explain myself, I can show you how I truly didn’t mean to offend anyone, my intentions are always coming from a place of love, but they are sometimes misguided. 

I take ownership in the times I don’t execute properly, and then I get excited because ~leeeaaarrrnnninngg~!! Learning how to present myself better next time. Learning how to express myself more wholeheartedly. Learning how to handle difficult situations with more and more grace. 

The moral of the story, don’t listen to mean catty girls from your first shitty sales job. You are not people’s perception of you. You are not your emotions that bring you off track. Who you are is what you intend to be.