We are exhausted.
There is no thriving through this. We are all struggling.
Today, I am feeling it deeply. Whether it was the loss of my job again, or the fact that I just turned 26 something has triggered me, and today I am FEELING it.
“You are not deserving of good things.”
“Things that bring you joy won’t last.”
“Your confidence is not sustainable.”
“You’re 26 with nothing to show for it.”
“You’re a piece of shit.”
I hear these lines playing in the back of my mind.
I’ve always felt like I had to work to be happy. Misery is my natural state, happiness takes effort.
I’ve put in a lot of work to disprove these things, but on the bad days, they still creep in. Then add in a national pandemic, and they get even stronger.
The loss of a place of my own, loss of my job, loss of my social life, dating life, dressing cute, all these things that brought me joy and confidence are (temporarily) gone.
And that voice in the back of my head is now singing, “I told you sooooooo!”.
The pandemic has proven a lot of our worst fears to be true. The thing is they aren’t necessarily true. They’re just true under the unique circumstance of a deadly virus flying around, and wiping out the entire world economy.
Knowing that it’s situational doesn’t make that voice any quieter. Until you create a relationship with it, it is powerful. The good thing is that I am not this voice. I am the spirit inside of me that knows better.
Which of your worst fears have been “proven true” this year? I use quotations because that voice has not been proven true, it just thinks it has.
A lot of us carry the fear that good things don’t last and unfortunately, this pandemic has made that temporarily true. Acknowledge that!
Recognize the ephemeral quality of these circumstances. No one knows when we will be back, but we will be eventually. I know it is hard to believe right now, but this is not for forever.
Good things haven’t been taken from us, some of them just aren’t as accessible at this time.
Our brains are doing what they’re meant to do, and that is think. But, remember, you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts are not necessarily always based in reality.
Even with that, I am struggling more now with the pandemic than at any other point. The pandemic hasn’t gotten easier for me, it has gotten way harder. I’m not sure what the answers are, but I’ve been reminding myself to take it one step at a time.”Baby steps” I keep telling myself. I have been recognizing and controlling what I can, and truly taking the time to confront what I can’t.
We are social beings, forced into isolation. This is completely unnatural. I am feeling the effects of not being able to recharge with a carefree night out with friends. We haven’t been able to just be carefree in almost a year. We all have an inner child living inside of us, we’re not meant to be this disciplined.
We’re not meant to thrive through this, and those claiming to are lying. Believe me, emotions are my life’s work and even I am feeling it.
This pandemic has been tough. It is incredibly overwhelming which makes it easy to forget that this is only temporary. There is so much goodness waiting for us in this life, and this virus has not changed that.
I have started offering free 30 minute 1:1 sessions to help offer support during this time. Sometimes it helps to just really have someone listen. If I can be of support in any way feel free to DM me @selflikebyGM or use my contact page.
Here are some tips to help combat that nagging voice:
- Get to know it. The voice that talks to me comes from a very sad 6-year old that felt she had no control. How old is yours?
- Reason with it. Can a 6-year-old with barely any life experience really predict the future?
- Challenge it. OK sad 6 year old me, if you truly know so much, and you can predict the future, then who is going to be the president in 2024?
- I will give it a funny accent, or make it SUPER dramatic. That helps take away some of its credit.
- Affirmations are also very helpful.
- I am enough.
- I am deserving of good things.
- What is meant for me will not ever miss me.
- I intend to leave space for grace.
- I am strong enough to handle it all.
- Just for today, I will be grateful.
With love,
GM
Self Like 