Relationships. Why are they so important to us?
I mean sure, we’re social beings. We feed off connection and feeling wanted, but why do we hold out for these things to come from one special someone?
We have tons of people in our lives ready to offer us connection, validation, and fun, but we have adopted this view that that’s not enough. That’s not quite what I need…what I need is the love of my life to give these things to me. You everyday friendly people aren’t quite cutting it.
So why? Why has society convinced us that the level of joy and stability we desire can only come from this one very special person?
This isn’t me suggesting polyamory, this is me suggesting we figure out how to let love in from all different sources. Co-workers, friends, family, friends with benefits. We are surrounded by people who admire us. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t still be hanging out with us. We have the tendency to put our blinders on and deny that while we wait for the holy grail of admirers; ~the~ one to come in and appreciate us.
Happiness shouldn’t have contingencies. And if your happiness has contingencies, it’s time to dig deeper. Do you find yourself saying “I’ll be happy when…”?
Nothing in this life is permanent. If the supplier of happiness you’ve been waiting all this time for meets an end, does it pack up your happiness and take it along with it?
Happiness is meant to be sustainable, and happiness isn’t even the correct word here. While everyone is chasing after happiness, the true thing we should be chasing is contentment. Happiness is a feeling, contentment is a state.
I can be sad, but still be deeply content. To strive for a life of only positive, happy feelings, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Our goal is not to stop the negative emotions or situations, but simply to have a better relationship with them.
I am guilty of waiting game too, and it is something I’ve recently become aware of. I have been saving this level of deep connection for ~the one~. I have been not allowing the people in my life who love me right now to fully see me.
And for what? I don’t even know if I’m going to meet someone. And at what point do I say UGH FINE I’ll let the love that is in abundance all around me in (eye roll).
I have recently been exploring all the things I’ve been ‘saving’ for this life fixing-problem solving-meaning supplying superhuman.
I have never bought myself nice jewelry because I’m waiting for my partner to do that for me. Never invested in furniture from anywhere other than Goodwill because my partner and I will buy a couch together.
BUT WHY!? What am I saving this joy and satisfaction for? Like once I meet this man I’ll get the OK to go ahead to start being a full and fulfilled human?
It is within my power to be a happy and fulfilled human right now, in this very moment, single AF.
No other human is powerful enough to make you happy. The only person in your life powerful enough to do that is you. Which, whew…that’s a lot of responsibility. Take a deep breath, and take it one step at a time.
Society has glorified the perfect relationship and presented it as the key to happiness. The thing is, if you’re not content now, you’re not going to magically become content when this person walks into your life.
So what if we found contentment within ourselves? What if relationships weren’t your supplier of happiness, but merely another stream feeding your already rad life?
You will still have struggle, you will still have tension. This savior coming in, in the form of a partner is not a savior at all. This is a flawed, stressed out, traumatized, scared, lonely human being just like you.
While we spend all this energy on finding the one, we should really be spending our energy finding contentment outside of circumstances.
What is meant for you is never, ever going to miss you.
Being so encompassed and enriched by your own life will not cause your soulmate to pass over you. If anything it will attract them closer.
How beautiful is the joining of two complete fulfilled souls, versus the unhealthy codependency we often find ourselves in?
You have every single thing you need in your life to be happy RIGHT NOW. Don’t believe me? I have bookings available. Check out my services tab.
With love,
GM
Self Like 