You may not believe it but, as I sit in my parents living room, struggling to save money during a pandemic, writing blog post that MAYBE 50 people will read, I feel pretty darn happy.
Not only am I happy, but I am content. And it scares the shit out of me. Feeling miserable always felt like home to me, it felt safe. Check out my post on ATTACHMENT.
Hop on IG and these model babes will have you believing that after meditating three times, they are now masters of contentment.
That is the reason I started this blog. To act like healing, expansion, and contentment are easy is a big fat lie, and incredibly irresponsible. Plus even monks suck at meditating at first, so you know these IG models lyin’.
All of these influencers trying to shove happiness and positivity down your throats don’t even have it themselves.
Oftentimes in my work, I will ask people if they are happy, and they will tell me yes. I will ask if they are content and they will start telling me how they can’t sit still, and are constantly giving more than receiving.
I am a darn good friend, worker, and daughter, and I can tell you I receive way more than I give. This is because I have boundaries.
Receiving does not make you a bad person. Being able to receive gracefully makes you a pretty cool person. And honestly, my giving to receiving is probably more of a 50/50, but when I’m putting in intentional effort to focus on my blessings, AND honoring my boundaries, everyday feels like my birthday.
Stretching yourself thin is a disservice to yourself, and everyone around you. You do not need to work yourself to the point of a mental breakdown to prove you are doing enough. We like you better when you have energy.
You can’t give what you don’t have so it’s important to honor and prioritize your energy. Giving someone your overworked, worn down energy is a shitty gift. You’re better holding onto it.
Ask yourself, what part of me feels like they always need to take care of others?
What would saying no to others say about me?
We are better at our roles when our cup is full. Saying no to my parents makes me a better daughter. Saying no to my friends makes me a better friend.
Your boundaries benefit everyone.
I am a helper by nature, for goodness sake I’m a life coach. It took me a long time to understand how to help others without hurting myself.
Selflessness is kind of bullshit. Do you want your stressed out friend who hasn’t had a moment to herself in 6 months coming in to help you? No? So why do you attempt to be that worn out friend?
The MOST important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. I know you have heard that before but, read that line over and over again. Think about it over and over again, hire someone to teach you how to understand it. It is one of the most important lessons you will ever learn.
Betraying yourself is not noble. How cool is the girl that can say no to helping someone because she has the bravery to prioritize herself? That girl already lives inside of you, you just need to befriend her. What would the highest, most self assured version of yourself do? She would probably say no and take a nap.
Tap into her as you set your boundaries. What would HER boundaries be?
Practicing these things takes time, A LOT of time. And when you first try to do it, you will feel like you’re doing something wrong. No one likes to disappoint others, but it comes easier when you realize that no one likes their loved one running on E either.
Boundaries are complex, and they take practice. Listen to the stories you tell yourself as you set boundaries. Ask yourself if these stories apply to others, or just to you.
My best boundary advice is to take time to l-i-t-erally define them. Having a clear definition helps because you don’t have to question “Am I betraying a boundary?”. Define what betraying a boundary looks like, know what pushing past them looks like.
Make it small at first, until it feels less intimidating. Set them, then unset them, then doubt them, then allow someone to push past them, then try again a few times until you get the practice down. IT TAKES TIME!
Give yourself space from anyone who does not respect your boundaries. The only people that won’t be proud of you for honoring your boundaries are people who take advantage of you.
Progress is perfection, be gentle with yourself. Our brains are stubborn, and they don’t always listen to us. Start small, you have got this!
With love,
GM
Self Like 