Check yo Attachments

“All Things in life are inherently impermanent. It is our attachment to those things that causes suffering. ” – Cory Muscara

The purpose of this life is to experience, and experience it ALL. 

We cannot go through life only experiencing love and bliss. We need to experience heartbreak and disappointment. I mean think about it, would you be yourself if all you experienced in life was happiness and privilege?

So why do we do everything in our power to avoid these challenging times that make us grow?

It’s our attachment. Our brains love to attach with the intention of keeping us safe. The unknown feels unsafe to our brain, so it attaches to things that feel predictable. Ever wonder why you like wallowing in your own misery so much? It’s because it’s familiar, it feels predictable, so it feels safe. 

The brain doesn’t understand that nothing in this life is permanent. If you allow her to lead you, she will have you believing that we need to cling to the good that comes into our life, and losing the good is a failure. 

The truth is, sources of joy are abundant all around us. You will exhaust yourself trying to make something that is inherently impermanent sustain your happiness for life. By clinging to one source of happiness, you shut out the possibilities of new sources that you never even imagined coming in. 

This often leads us to not living in the present. We are so worried about losing this source of goodness, that we forget to honor it while it’s here. We are distracted by how to prevent it from ending. 

The thing is, it will end. Worrying about the goodness ending will never stop the goodness from ending. The ending of goodness presents us with a blesson (TMTMTMTM). It is a blessing and a lesson, a gift and an opportunity to learn.

Would you have learned self esteem if you didn’t lose the friends that gave you external validation? Would I have gotten closer to my true passion if I didn’t lose my job?

There is meaning in all suffering. All suffering is serving us. The way you find out is by asking yourself how is this suffering helping me grow?

Sometimes things don’t work out because you deserve better. You have no idea the goodness and opportunities that are awaiting you, and to decide that what is in front of you is as good as it gets is incredibly naive. I know nothing at all, and it is one of my favorite parts of being human. 

When something comes to an end, that means it is done serving you. In ways of relationships, singleness, suffering, when they come to an end it means you have learned the lessons they were meant to teach. The suffering will not end until you humble down, and listen to what it’s trying to teach you. 

Anxious attachment will have you stay in situations that are done serving you. A good sign that your blesson has run its course is when we start to feel friction.

Anxious attachment is a scarcity mindset. You believe nothing will come in to replace the current source of joy or stability, so you cling to it. Clinging is not healthy, and causes tension. 

“What I fear, I create” – Dr. Phil

You fear not having a healthy relationship, so you cling to the current one so tightly that you create the unhealthy relationship you fear. 

We do not need to cling. I often tell myself, the joy I believe having a successful blog will bring already exists in my future. It may not be exactly how I picture it, and that joy may not even come from a blog. However I know that that degree of satisfaction I’m yearning for is already written in my story. It is not my responsibility to ensure it will happen, that’s my Great Mother’s (my word for higher power) problem. My only responsibility is to quite literally live and learn.

When I find myself feeling victimized by a situation, I will redirect my attention and ask myself “How did this help me grow?”. I am not the victim of my life. I am the student, the loving controller, caring observer, and the lucky recipient!

I can wholeheartedly say I have a lot of breakups, but I never had a failed relationship. Every single relationship I have been in has been a success, they all have taught me deeply about myself. They came to an end because they were meant to. If they weren’t meant to end, they wouldn’t have. It means it was time to free that energy so I could move on and grow in new ways. 

Attachment sucks us out of the present moment, and causes us to miss so many little pockets of joy that are in our everyday life.

Because I am not anxiously attached to one thing, I am able to be connected to all things. My joy pool cannot run out because there are infinite streams feeding it. When one steam ends, I know a new one will start dumping in. To not have attachment is to be deeply present, and being present is joy. 

If you don’t feel joy all the way deep down to your bones, then trust me, it’s not as good as it gets. If you don’t feel deep contentment, you need to check your attachments. 

If you need help getting started, I am available for coaching sessions. 

You can only lose what you cling to. Accept what comes, and allow it to leave when it’s time. You know nothing at all, and you are surrounded by goodness. 

With love,

GM