I touched on this in my first post Unromanticizing Self Love, but I wanted to get a bit more in-depth, so today we’re talking about self-acceptance, also known as self-realization.
The goal of self-realization is to shine a light on all parts of ourselves, and see ourselves as whole. We aim to strip away all of these stories we have created, or been taught about ourselves. We want to be able to see the positive, and the negative, and not see them as right or wrong. Just accept them as fleeting parts of you.
We are no longer ‘unemployed and a deadbeat’ and we become simply, ‘unemployed in this moment’.
We no longer ‘are bitchy’ we just have a part of us that is not having her needs met. We are having a bitchy moment.
When there are parts of yourself that are holding you back, or keeping you small, allowing ‘working on it’ to be enough. Progress is perfection. The only thing that we truly are is our will to be, and if you are willing to be better, then you already are better.
We can not wish away negative parts of ourselves or personalities, but what we can do is create a healthy relationship with them. Arguing with what is, is the root of all suffering.
I am EMONTIONAL AF, and I used to be really ashamed of that. I have so, so many emotions, and I feel things deeply. I was told, ‘cool girls aren’t emotional’ ‘people who are emotional are unstable’ ‘you’re being dramatic’. All of these things taught me that being emotional was wrong, and it was a part of myself I needed to fix.
I alienated this part of myself. I didn’t know my emotional side because I was disgusted by her. I should just CHOOSE HAPPINESS, focus on the positive you know?? The thing is, that doesn’t work for long.
We have to get dark in order to get light. Suppression is not healing. Suppression is the opposite of healing. Self-realization is getting to know every part of ourselves. Even the ones that we are embarrassed by. What does this part of me need? What are her triggers?
What would it look like for me to be super emotional, and that be okay?
What would it look like to integrate, rather than deny my emotional side?
What would it look like if my emotions were a strength?
Txt my life coach and the first thing she will tell you is ’to find meaning in the pain’. “I love my suffering” she would say to me as I roll my eyes. PAIN IS UNCOMFY I’M SUPPOSED TO LOVE IT???
You wouldn’t believe it, but she knew what she was talking about. Finding meaning in my emotional side is how I cultivated a positive relationship with her. When I was first learning the practice of ‘finding meaning in the pain’ it felt so distant, and I genuinely didn’t understand it. After much practice, it ~almost~ comes naturally now.
You see, my emotions make me incredibly patient, emotionally intellegent, and empathetic. Also because I feel things really deeply, I get to feel joy incredibly deeply as well. I cry from happiness really easily, and I kind of love it.
“The same bowl that contains the depth of your sorrows is the same bowl that contains the depths of your joy” – Genevieve butchering a Kahlil Gibran quote.
Everytime I experience an emotion that feels big enough to destroy me, I get to practice resilience. I get to learn how to recover so the next time one comes I have more, and more tools, and my comfort zone expands. While your brain will have you believe your worst fear coming true will destroy you, it actually helps us grow in the deepest of ways.
I would have never built this resilience if I didn’t get dark. If I were to suppress my emotional side I would see each time I embody her as a failure. The thing is she is a part of me, and she will continue to show up. I cannot ‘positivity’ her away (believe me I tried).
Welcoming her, and getting to know her needs has helped way more than ‘choosing happiness’ ever has. Not choosing happiness, and choosing to get dark actually has brought me far more sustainable happiness.
Quit deciding parts about you are wrong. Quit trying to only focus on the positive. It’s not working because it’s not genuine.
All parts of us are meant to be realized, and we cannot be our full selves if we suppress the parts we decide are bad. Every single part of us is serving us, and deserving of our attention.
With love,
GM
Self Like 